


the worst of the worst

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: Andi Mack - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, T.J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, TJ-centric mainly, kira’s a total bitch and i hate her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 06:13:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: There are things in T.J.’s life that he considered being the worst of the worst. Things that made him cry himself to sleep, punch a wall, runaway from home, for God’s sake.But nothing could be be worse than the pain he felt seeing the betrayal in Cyrus’ eyes.





	the worst of the worst

**Author's Note:**

> this isn’t edited or proof read so sorry it’s bad. also, trigger warning for some homophobia and verbal abuse.

There are certain things in TJ’s life that he would consider the worst of the worst. Things that made him cry himself to sleep, punch a wall, runaway from home, for God’s sake. 

For instance, when he was eight and his mom was hurt on the job. Eight year old TJ had never felt such panic in his entire life. 

He was in social studies. It was 12:46 in the afternoon, and he was counting down the seconds until lunch when his principal walked in. He whispered to his teacher and the next thing you know, the teacher is telling him to follow Mr. Schwartz. 

Amber was there, waiting, as well. 

“Kids, there was an accident.” He had started out. Those words set off TJ’s anxiety. 

He wasn’t dumb. He knew his mom’s job wasn’t safe. He knew she was hunting down the villains and he knew the villains could hurt her. It was only a matter of time before this happened and TJ knew that. 

That was TJ’s first ever panic attack. 

His dad, Amber, and him were sat in a hospital waiting room for eight hours before she was stable. His dad was a rock, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. He hadn’t said a word, not a word of worry nor comfort to his children. Amber was a wreck and needed TJ, so TJ needed to be strong. He didn’t cry that whole time. 

The waiting is always the worst part, anyone could tell you that. But nothing could prepare eight year old TJ and nine year old Amber for what they saw when they were finally allowed to see their mom. 

Seeing his mom like that, the one person who he can always count on for some extra strength and a loving hug, made so many emotions rush through his body at once he almost passed out. 

How could someone do that? How could someone hurt someone as amazing as his mom? How much pain is she in? Could he take that pain away from her and put it on himself? He’d take the bruises and cuts for himself any day if it meant his mom didn’t have to deal with that. Even at eight years old he could deal with pain well, how can this be any different? 

The difference is that she wasn’t stable for eight hours. The difference was she was stable because her body somehow found a way to fight it. 

His mom was a fighter. She knew how to kick ass and take names and TJ could only wish he could have her strength as he grew older. Her courage. 

“Hey loves.” Jennifer croaks out and the siblings’ heads shoot up, both running at their mom in unison. “Easy, easy.” 

As soon as her arms wrapped around TJ’s body, the tears came and wouldn’t stop. He cried from relief and the anxiety of passed eight hours. He cried because his mom wasn’t stable and he couldn’t imagine the rest of his life without her. He cried because his dad still hadn’t said a word and it made him feel so uneasy. He cried because his mom was okay, so he was okay. He cried until he was passed out in his mother’s arms. 

When his mom came home after three days, he refused to leave her side. Come night time, he tried to make his dad sleep on the couch, he tried to sleep in the middle, he tried everything not to sleep in his own room without his mom. 

The first week she was home, TJ didn’t sleep a full night’s sleep. He constantly woke up with nightmares, waking up only because Amber was shaking him. 

He was a wreck then, but he was more of a wreck when she went back to work a week after that. He did the typical thing he saw on TV, he tried to hug her legs and Amber joined in on it and while she found the whole thing adorable, they were serious. 

The siblings refused to go to school that day, and the day after that. 

It’s expected to happen after your mom almost dies, but TJ couldn’t focus in classes and couldn’t do his homework. The separation anxiety was so bad that when she left a room, his heart beat out of his chest and he’d start crying. Of course his dad wasn’t happy about it. Boys didn’t cry, especially over a tiny thing like his mom leaving a room. 

Month after month went on and TJ’s separation anxiety only got worse. What was wrong with him? She was better, she hadn’t been hurt since, but whenever his mom left for work, he couldn’t focus. 

His mom hated to see him so affected by her line of work, so much she almost resigned. TJ wasn’t having that though. 

He may have just turned nine years old, but he knew his mom loved what she did and she was making the world a better place. So he tried his best to keep it together. To be the rock his mom and Amber needed. 

TJ considered that whole situation, those six months before his mom sought help for his anxiety, to be the worst of the worst. 

 

TJ considered his dad leaving to be the worst of the worst. 

He remembers it being the lowest blow to him. Twelve years old. Just starting Jefferson Middle School. 

He remembers making the basketball team and being so excited to go home and tell his dad. Amber and him were walking home and TJ, as Amber teased him for, had an extra pep in his step that nothing could take away. Being the only sixth grader to make a middle school team? Yeah, nothing could take the pep out of his step. 

Except his dad being nowhere to be found and his mom sat alone at a table with a heartbroken expression. 

That anger he felt when he saw his mom broken in a hospital bed came back full force. He was a mama’s boy through and through and she was hurt again. 

“Where’s dad?” Amber speaks up. “Is he working late?” 

Their mom’s face crumbles. “I’m sorry, guys. Dad went back to New Orleans.” 

The siblings ran to their mom the same way the had in the hospital and hugged her as tight as they could. In their mind, yeah, he was their dad but he never acted like it much. He was the love of their mom’s life and he left her. She needed to comforting, not them. They’d be strong for her. 

The second TJ shut the door to his room, he stopped being strong. 

He cried himself to sleep. Then he woke up, told himself to be strong for his mom, and made breakfast for the three of them. The look of shock on his mom’s face made him feel worse than before but he smiled and gave her a hug before getting ready for school. 

All questions of self doubt came back as he stared at himself in the mirror. 

How could he leave them? There wasn’t even any fighting. The only logical explanation was TJ was doing something wrong. He knew his dad didn’t like when he cried because that’s not something his son should be doing, being weak. His dad also didn’t like that TJ enjoyed cooking. That was something the women do, or so he was told. He tried baseball for his dad, but he didn’t like his team mates so he quit. His dad wasn’t too happy about that. 

But then came basketball and he actually enjoyed it and he was good at it. His dad was actually talking to him like he was his son and they shot hoops outside on the basketball net he bought. 

Was that not enough to keep him from leaving? 

He was filled with immense guilt. Amber’s dad and his mom’s husband left because he wasn’t a good enough son. 

So no, his dad leaving wasn’t the worst of the worst. The guilt he carried when he left was. 

 

Now, you can call him dramatic but Buffy Driscoll joining the basketball team was the worst of the worst. 

Since his dad left, he tried his hardest to be the best of the best at basketball in hopes it’d get to him some how and he’d come back. If his son was more of a son he’d come back. 

Then Buffy Driscoll comes in like she owns the gym and beats him at his sport. Yeah, basketball wasn’t his sport but it was the one thing he was good at and if a girl could beat him at it? His dad would never come back. 

His dad was never coming back. He should feel sad. His dad wasn’t in his life anymore. All he felt was guilt, though. Guilt, guilt, guilt. He only wanted him to come back so his mom would actually smile again. It had been a year and he could tell that sometimes it gets too stressful for his mom, balancing being a single mom of two and maintaining her career. He got a job at a kids gym to help out with money, Amber doing the same at the Spoon, but the guilt wasn’t letting up. 

Buffy Driscoll was making it worse. 

She was ruining everything in his plans on working a miracle. 

Then his inability to understand math caught up to him and Buffy Driscoll just so happened to be asked to be his tutor. 

Of course his immediate reaction was to get angry and say no. He wasn’t going to let her make him feel more inferior than he already felt when it came to her. 

Then he was forced to ask her when he was threatened to be kicked off the basketball team. 

She agreed to tutor him if he helped her friend get a muffin. The second TJ noticed him, he was drawn in and he had no clue why. All he knew was he actually wanted to help the kid get a muffin for himself. 

In the end, Cyrus got his muffin and TJ got his tutor and it shouldn’t have gone as badly as it did. But, it’s Buffy. Of course it was going to go bad. She was condescending and made him feel the lowest he felt about himself since his dad left. Of course he’d never tell her that but sometimes he just wish she knew so she’d back off. 

He had stormed off and kept walking, not knowing where he was going. He just had to get away from the person ruining his life. 

Okay, maybe he was a bit dramatic. 

He ended up in the park and for some stupid reason, TJ’s heart sped up when he saw who was at the swing. His stupid heart sped up more when he heard him singing, a song about swings.

Why did that affect him like that? 

“Nice song. What do you sing when you’re on the slide?” 

“We go down, we say yay. We don’t climb up, that’s wrong way.” 

TJ’s heart is beating way too fast and he hates himself for it. What the hell was wrong with him? 

“Did not expect you to have a song for that. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin, right?”

“Scary Basketball Guy.” Okay, that definitely hurt. Why? 

The next thing out of TJ’s mouth after he introduces himself is, “So, do you hang out here a lot?” 

He automatically heard his dad’s voice. 

“You should be saying that to girls, not a guy. That’s gay.” 

Then Cyrus’ response strikes something in TJ that he can’t put his finger on. All he knows is he didn’t feel alone for once. 

That day, TJ figured Buffy Driscoll storming into his life couldn’t have been the worst of the worst. 

 

It definitely was the worst of the worst. Because with Buffy Driscoll came the self hatred once again, finding out there could be something else wrong with him. 

Dyscalculia. 

It’s just another thing to add to the list of things that would keep his dad far, far away from Shadyside. 

However, all of that is forgotten for a moment when he walks through the front door. His dad was there. His dad was hugging Amber. His dad came back. 

What he didn’t understand was why he felt so unbelievably angry when that’s all he wanted to begin with. He remembers feeling the bile rise in his throat and then rushing to the bathroom to throw up. 

Isn’t this what he wanted? His dad to come back so his mom didn’t have to constantly stress out over bills and her kids? 

Dinner was unbelievable hell. It was so quiet and you could cut the tension with a knife. 

Why the hell did he ever want his dad to come back? He felt uncomfortable in his own home because a guy that was biologically his father, but never acted like a dad unless he fit into the role of the perfect son, was back after a year. 

At one in the morning, TJ couldn’t bear feeling the suffocation of his own home anymore. He wrote out a quick note, addressing his mom and Amber, letting them know he was staying at a friend’s place. 

That was TJ’s problem. He had no friends that would allow him to stay. So he ended up in the first place his subconscious thought of. 

The swings. 

It brought him back to the thought of Cyrus, that stupid little song that made TJ’s heart race, and the time they had before Buffy interrupted. 

To tell him another thing wrong with him. 

How she acted as if it was a good thing there was something wrong with him. 

He furiously wipes away tears as they fall. Boys don’t cry. 

After six hours straight of sitting up on a swing and getting absolutely no sleep, TJ walked to school. He wasn’t going back. 

He texts Amber, asks her to bring his work uniform to Jefferson so he didn’t have to go home and get it himself. 

He didn’t know how he was going to make it through school, a game and work with the little sleep he had but it wasn’t the first time he functioned on no sleep. 

He got an hour’s sleep all together if he counted the amount of times he fell asleep in his classes. That should be enough to focus on the game. Key word: should be. 

It has to be. It has to be because of course his dad is in the crowd and of course he promised Buffy he’d pass her the ball. 

He felt like he was going to faint. Buffy’s hands are open and for a second, TJ almost considered not passing her the ball. But he saw Cyrus in the crowd and all thoughts about what his dad was going to say were forgotten for that very second. He throws Buffy the ball, waits for her to make a shot but she freezes and TJ’s heart rate accelerates in the worst way possible. Then he sees why she stopped and his eyes are suddenly filled with tears. He needs to get them to go away before his dad sees. 

Buffy’s mom was there. 

Then all of a sudden, TJ’s separation anxiety comes back full force when he realizes why his mom’s not there. She’s away on a case. He felt too many emotions at once, it was loud, and he definitely was not okay. 

It’s the end of the game. They’d lost and TJ could tell his dad was not pleased with him. 

“You passed the ball to a girl?” He had practically hissed. “You lost the game because you passed it to some girl who couldn’t even finish the game before saying hi to her mom.” 

TJ still couldn’t get himself to breathe properly but he’s quick to defend Buffy, to his own surprise. 

“Buffy hasn’t seen her mom for a while, she’s been deployed. If that were mom, I would done the same thing.”

“Yeah, because you don’t listen to me when I tell you to man up. Why did you pass her the ball?” He grumbled. 

“She’s tutoring me so in return I passed her the ball.” TJ answered before he even realized who he was talking to. Great, another reason to be yelled at. 

“Tutoring you? You dumb or something?” 

TJ didn’t answer. Instead, he turned on his heel and stormed off to the closest bathroom, bumping right into Cyrus and Buffy. “Sorry.” 

His hands were shaking and his voice was worse. He pulls out his phone and uses the automated voice on his phone because God knows if he tried to type he’d get something wrong. 

“Mom?” His paused. “I’m sorry if you’re busy but I need you.” 

 

When he got home from work, he was met with every insult imaginable coming from his dad’s mouth. He’d found his math tests and made TJ feel worse about it than he already had. 

At least he still had basketball right?

Wrong. He came in the next day and half way through third period, TJ was called out of class. He got deja vú from when he was eight and he felt like he was going to be sick. 

The real reason for being called out of class didn’t make him feel any less sick. Coach had suspended him from games until his math grade went up. 

He just lost the only thing he was good at. The only connection he could make with his dad, though he didn’t want anymore. He lost the one thing that used to make him happy. 

Come game night, TJ stood on the side and watched as Buffy played the game way better than he could. That should have been him. He should have been out there. 

Then Cyrus approaches him and there goes his heart. 

“You’re not playing?” Thanks for the reminder, TJ thinks. 

“Nothing gets passed you.” Sarcasm was his natural approach, of course, because who would be nice to him other than Amber and his mom? 

“I’m not here as a punching bag. I’m here to see if you’re okay.” Cyrus’ genuine concern is what scares TJ. Someone actually cared about him. 

“How about you’re not here at all?” 

Why did he say that? He wanted Cyrus there. Why did he want Cyrus there? 

“Go Buffy! Go Buffy! Buffy! Buffy! Buffy!” God damn it, he was sick of her name. So sick of the praise she deserved. 

“Eating your feelings? I do that.” And again, something with the way Cyrus says it, makes TJ feel less alone. 

All of a sudden, he’s opening up to this kid he hardly knows. Again. 

“There is nothing wrong with you.” 

That sentence kept repeating in TJ’s head as he tried to sleep that night. There was nothing wrong with him. Nothing wrong. 

Cyrus seemed to take the situations that TJ saw the worst of the worst and make it seem like it really wasn’t that. That it wasn’t absolutely horrible. Cyrus was his silver lining. 

 

Then TJ fucked up, again. The second he saw Reed with the gun he should have gone with Cyrus. The look of disappointment on Cyrus’ face definitely felt like the worst of the worst. That stabbing pain of guilt hit his chest and TJ walked away a little too late. Seeing the gun made TJ freeze as well. He knows there’s one locked away in his house which is why he was so shocked Reed knew how to get to his dad’s. One of those things almost killed his mom and it had just been sitting there like it was nothing. Like it didn’t have the power to take a life. 

Things had finally been going okay for TJ. He had gotten a C on his math test, his mom was home a bit more often and his dad never seemed to be around again.

And of course there was Cyrus. Cyrus seemed to brighten TJ’s life just by existing and when he had finally made up with Buffy and Andi, things seemed to fall into place. 

But, classic TJ. Anything good, he’s gotta ruin it, right?

TJ spent that night having a long talk with his mother. A long talk being him unloading every single negative thing he was feeling and his mom listening to every single word.

That was after reporting that day’s events to the local police and Jennifer’s speech about gun safety. 

Losing Reed and Lester hurt, sure, but it sure as hell didn’t hurt as much as it hurt losing Cyrus. He could hardly eat his lunch. It felt like every single set of eyes in the cafeteria were looking at him but he only cared about one set of eyes. He looked up to see Buffy and Andi dragging Cyrus even farther way from TJ and shit, that hurt. 

All of his progress was washed away. 

Then he sees Cyrus alone at the swings and his heart speeds up again and he absolutely hates it. He shouldn’t feel this for his best friend. 

He tries to apologize, he really does but he’s always been horrible at it, just like Amber. He supposes he gets in from his dad. 

They’re arguing with each other and the next thing TJ knows, he’s looking down at Cyrus, his lips, and back up and he doesn’t know how they got so close. 

“Well you can be oblivious.” 

“Well you can be very judgey.” 

“Well you can be intimidating.” 

“You know what else you are?” 

“What?” 

“The only person I can talk to like this.” 

TJ is filled with every emotion possible when he realizes how right he actually was. Cyrus had been the only person TJ could ever to talk to like that. His heart was going to beat out of his chest. His ears were burning. Butterflies were going crazy in his stomach. The realization that he had a full blown crush on Cyrus is something that almost makes him take a step back. But he can’t. He can’t look away. 

 

Now, TJ knew he was being dramatic when he called this the worst of the worst, but that didn’t stop him from thinking it. It was six in the morning and Amber and him had been up the whole night making a Challah from scratch. He was a complete wreck and Amber was only helping out because she could see how much her brother liked Cyrus. If Challah was going to get them together, she didn’t mind staying up the whole night. 

“What if I say it wrong?” TJ asks Amber yet again. 

“You won’t. You’ve listened to that video over and over again. If you say it wrong I’m disowning you as my brother.” Amber smirks. 

“Amber.” He whines. “It’s not funny. He’s mourning and I might be making it worse. Is that what you even bring? The website says so but like, what if it upsets him more?” 

“He’ll appreciate it, TJ.” Amber pauses. “Get some sleep. Please.” 

At that point, the sleep deprivation was at its limit and she didn’t have to tell him twice. He was knocked out within a minute of his head hitting the pillow. 

Only to be woken up three hours later to Amber hitting him with a pillow. The second he opens his eyes, all dread and the nerves about that day came back. 

What if he did it wrong? What if he pronounced it wrong? What if Cyrus only invited him because he felt like he had to? What if he didn’t really want him there? 

TJ tried to push away every self deprecating and doubtful thoughts away as he walked into Goodman residence. 

“Is that TJ?” Andi looks over and Buffy and Cyrus follow. 

“You came.” Cyrus states with a soft smile on his face and TJ is gone. So far gone. 

“Of course I came.” He stared at Cyrus for longer than he should have before zoning back in. “And I brought a Challah.” 

“You shouldn’t ch-have.” Cyrus jokes and grabs it from him and TJ yet again comes to the realization that Cyrus truly was the good when things get bad. 

 

Now Kira? TJ definitely thought she was the worst of the worst. The moment she approached him, he knew who she was and his blood went cold. She was trying to flirt with him and he felt absolutely nothing. 

Yeah, he liked Cyrus, no matter how hard he tried not to. No matter how hard he tried to not to like a guy, his best friend. He liked him. 

He hoped it was just Cyrus after trying to convince himself he wasn’t like that. He hoped it was just their connection and that he could like girls the way he liked Cyrus, but he never had. He never noticed girls in that way. 

Cyrus came up and suddenly his whole body was on fire and the butterflies started up again and his stupid heart wouldn’t slow down and TJ knew right then that he was fucked. The bro hug. The nickname. The “looking good” comment. The excitement on his face when TJ mentioned the costume idea. The way Cyrus was the only person to ever be able to make TJ feel okay about himself. 

It hurt so bad because he knew Cyrus could never feel the same way. 

Even if he had, TJ never planned to come out to anyone. That wasn’t something he could ever think of doing. That wouldn’t be fair on Cyrus. 

The whole situation just sucked, yet he couldn’t call it the worst of the worst, because Cyrus was in his life. 

But no, it definitely was the worst of the worst now that it involved Kira. 

“So you’d rather do a costume with Cyrus, than with me. Okay, have fun with that.” Those words made TJ’s heart stop, his blood go cold, the ability to breathe disappear, and his brain to run a mile a minute. 

She could tell. If she could tell, other people could tell. Everyone would know. No body could ever know, he had to make sure no one would know and if he did an inside joke with his best guy friend who he was one hundred percent in love with, everyone would know. 

He couldn’t back out of Somersault. It was their thing, and it was his idea after all. Maybe Kira was just bluffing. 

Kira wasn’t bluffing. God, he couldn’t believe he’d been so obvious. Everyone was going to know. 

At four thirty in the morning, before Costume Day, TJ tries stop himself from texting Kira. Cyrus would hate him again and he’d never forgive him if he did this. 

He gave in. He texted Kira and showed up at her house at seven-thirty in the morning to grab the shirt. He couldn’t catch his breath and he couldn’t call Cyrus. He couldn’t explain to him why he couldn’t do the costume because Cyrus would see right through him and for some stupid reason, he couldn’t keep anything in when it came to his friend. 

Every thing he thought was the worst of the worst was nothing compared to the look of betrayal in Cyrus’ eyes when TJ unzipped his hoodie. His chest physically hurt, all air was knocked out of his lungs and he could pass out at any second. 

Yeah, Kira was satan but TJ? No, he was the worst of the worst. No situation could beat how absolutely awful he was. 

The entire day TJ couldn’t find away to breathe properly and the second he got home, it got worse. How could it possibly get worse? 

His dad was gone, again. His mom was stressed and Amber was dating Jonah again. Dramatic, again, on that one, but Jonah just reminded TJ of Cyrus because they were friends. 

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” The second the words leave his mom’s mouth, TJ crumbles. He cries out every single emotion and tear in his mom’s arms just like he had when he was eight. 

Then he does something he never imagined doing and cries out the words, “Mom, I think I’m gay,” which sets off more harsh sobs from TJ as his mom holds him tighter. 

“That’s okay, Teej. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.” 

And whole new wave of crying begins because, oh God, he hurt Cyrus. He lost Cyrus for good and nothing had ever hurt so bad. 

Soon enough the entire situation spills out of TJ’s mouth, in between sobs that is, and the Kippen women were livid. Amber hadn’t meant to hear anything but since she had, she was going to do something about it. Kira was screwed. 

While Amber went to deal with Kira, TJ spent the rest of the night on the couch with his mom. Like he said, he was a mama’s boy through and through and if anyone could help him through the intense heart ache he was feeling, it’s his mom. 

 

Four weeks. Four weeks since Cyrus talked to TJ and four weeks since TJ’s heart was ripped out of his chest. Kira had joined the boys’ team and TJ had no escape. It was the championship and TJ should be excited but he feels absolutely nothing and has no desire to go out there and play the game. Another thing Kira ruined for him. 

Everyone watching the game could tell that TJ’s head wasn’t in it. That his heart wasn’t in it. 

Then TJ saw him. Cyrus was in the crowd. Cyrus was at the game. He was watching him and TJ couldn’t look away. He was too distracted by the mere presence of Cyrus Goodman, too distracted to see a basketball flying at his face. 

The next thing TJ knows, he sees his coach, his mom, his sister, and Cyrus staring down at him. 

Cyrus. Cyrus was concerned. 

Cyrus was talking. To him. Everything was white noise to him but Cyrus was talking. 

“Cyrus.” He mumbles out and TJ must have been hit pretty hard because he’s sure Cyrus is blushing. 

Coach asks them to give TJ some room and the three back up, much to TJ’s disappointment. However, the game carries on without TJ and he’s still being checked on. He didn’t have a concussion much to the shock of the school nurse. 

The game ends and their team lost but all TJ could focus on was Cyrus on the other side of the room, speaking to his mother. He knows his mom would never out him but it makes his heart speed up once again. 

Kira blocks his view and suddenly his blood is boiling. He hates her more than he’s ever hated anything in his life. 

“I think everyone’s going to know you’re gay, now, after what just happened. I can’t believe you lost us the Championship, Kippen, because you couldn’t take your eyes off your boy for once second.” She practically hissed. 

Amber was the only one who heard what she said, TJ thanks every lucky star. 

“You threaten my brother like that again, I will make sure you’re the one being slammed with a basketball. You hear me? Never speak to him again.” 

As Amber threatened Kira, their mom and Cyrus walk up and suddenly TJ’s whole body is stiff and he can’t seem to meet Cyrus’ eye. 

“Can we talk?” Cyrus asks with a sympathetic sigh as Amber and her mom walk off to give the two privacy. 

 

TJ didn’t come out to Cyrus that night. They made up and TJ had Cyrus’ friendship back but he couldn’t stop the anxiety and suffocation he felt not being out to the one person that made everything feel okay for once. It was affecting their friendship, as well, and Cyrus was so confused. 

They’d been at Andi’s goodbye party for her old house. TJ had been off the whole night and Cyrus decided he’d had enough and stormed off.

He finds Cyrus on a bunch and inhales. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.” 

Cyrus raises an eyebrow. “How so?” 

“I haven’t told you something about me. It’s something I’ve only ever told my mom and Amber but it’s something I really want you to know.” 

“You can tell me anything, Teej.” Cyrus’ smile is soft as he pats the seat next to him. The butterflies multiply. His legs starts bouncing up and down as he tries to catch his breath. He can do it. 

“Cyrus, I’m-“ He pauses as he looks around. “I’m gay.” 

Cyrus grins and TJ feels like he can’t breathe. “I’m so proud of you. Thank you for telling me, I know how hard that is.” 

That catches TJ off guard. “You do?” 

“I’m gay, too, TJ. There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

Was he still alive? He really wasn’t sure. His heart stopped beating, he was sure of that, though. 

“Can I tell you something?” He asks timidly and Cyrus nods with an encouraging smile. “Cyrus. There were things going on in my life that I thought were the worst things that could ever happen to me; the worst of the worst. You came into my life during one of those times and made realize that things were going to be okay no matter how bad it was. If you were on my side, it didn’t matter that my dad wasn’t. Losing you, knowing I hurt you after Costume Day, that was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life and my mom made me realize. That was heart break. I didn’t have you on my bad days and that was the worst of the worst. I hit the lowest low I possibly could and it was because I couldn’t handle people finding out. I couldn’t handle you finding out.” 

“Finding out you’re gay?” Cyrus confirms. 

“Yes, and how I felt about you.” 

“How you felt about me?” 

“I thought I hid it pretty well but Kira could tell when she saw us together for thirty seconds. If she can tell, everyone else would be able to tell and the fear of you rejecting me was bigger than any fear I had of people finding out about me.”

It was quiet for a good minute before Cyrus grabs TJ’s hand and squeezes it. 

“I like you, too.” 

Nothing else was said after that, but TJ felt like he could finally breathe. 

He was scared, he wasn’t sure what was going to come next, all he knew was that holding Cyrus’ hand brought him a peace he hasn’t felt in years. 

If he had Cyrus by his side, nothing would ever be the worst of the worst ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god this really is bad and super angsty im sorry


End file.
